Everyone says you need to put a "list" out into the Universe,
describing the kind of guy you ultimately need/want to meet.
They warn me to be very specific, so here goes:
Tall - 6'0 to 6'2"
Handsome
Athletic - i.e., hot body
Intelligent
Funny; good sense of humor, likes to laugh
Charming
Thoughtful
Wealthy, has access to his money
Successful
Appreciates nice things
Good with my kids
Good with my dog
Dresses nice
Likes an occasional drink
Likes to buy me presents - jewelry, flowers, etc.
Good dancer
Aggressive, confident, not shy
Good in bed - heterosexual, loves sex with me
Likes to talk on the phone with me everyday
Thinks about me first thing in the morning when he wakes
up and I'm the last thing he thinks about before he
goes to bed.
Astrologically compatible
Christian; spiritual
Nice skin
Not hairy
Affectionate
Likes to read
Text messages in moderation
Nice hair - not bald
Nice eyes
Nice hands
Nice back of neck
Clean; hygienic
Sexy voice
Age - 48-54
Not married, or separated - unattached
Lives near me - within 25 mile range
No extraordinary baggage
No extraordinary dysfunctions
Honest
Romantic
Likes American Idol
Good kisser
Smells good
Nice teeth, nice smile
Physically and mentally healthy
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I actually sent this email.
Please realize that the moment I push “send” I will be filled with remorse and regret. But I’m thinking that is better than being filled with
inertia. And since I have never been accused of cowardice, quite the contrary, I think I am revered for my insane bravery – by both genders
incidentally, here goes.
You could argue that sending an email is being hypocritical. Passive aggressive. And yes you would be correct. But this is in the top five scariest things I have ever done. So remember to be kind.
Let me start with an observation. Never deliver bad news, or what might be considered bad news - with a text message. What constitutes “bad news” you might ask? I’m not talking about sending a text message about your mother. I get that. But here is an example of bad news.
If you have sex with someone and don’t call them, and they make, what they think is a bold move, by asking what you are up to (and for the record you are aware that is a bold move for me, for I have shared that with you ) bad news is “I have a wedding commitment, you can catch me between the hours of” (and I grew weary trying to figure out what times were available. It seemed like about 30 seconds).
But we are not done. Because you then give, what I call, your trademark “twisting the knife” comment. “Thanks for thinking of me.”
How can you possible take that as a negative – you are saying? And I have resigned myself to the fact that in a million years I would never be able to convince you how patronizing that comment is. It’s impersonal. It dismisses me. Someone offers you Sixers tickets and if you can’t go – you say – "thanks for thinking of me". You don’t say it to a woman who, perhaps foolishly, has spent way too much time thinking about you. I don’t need thanks. I probably need therapy.
I wish you would have just picked up the phone when you had a moment. Or texted me and said, this weekend won’t work, but I will call you as soon as I get a chance. And then did just that.
But let’s face it. Text messaging is an amazing tool for the passive aggressive. If you feel compelled to take a shortcut.
But I don’t take shortcuts. Not professionally, and never with people I care about. The all too easy “convenience” of a shortcut is not lost on me.
And on the subject of convenience, I am reminded of the last scene in Sex in the City, with Baryshnikov. Ironically, you mentioned it recently. Carrie’s pain at another failed relationship was palpable. And I will never forget what she said, about wanting to be loved, an all-consuming, inconvenient love. The word “inconvenient” stood out and struck me as odd. I had never heard it put that way, but I will never forget it. The writers knew. They got it. Sometimes when you like someone you are inconvenienced. And what I have come to realize is, it is entirely possible you don’t like me enough to be inconvenienced.
Because that is what this is all about, after all. Being inconvenienced to figure out when or if you can work me into your schedule. Being inconvenienced to explain what you are up to, ahead of time. So that I can plan. So that my time is respected. And please don’t insult my intelligence with – why can’t we just date and have a good time when it works out. Because that ends up being, when it is convenient, for you. I’m not asking for a marriage proposal here. I am asking for respect. I am not asking for anything I haven't given you.
You have said a lot of things to me, and if I am to believe, at least half of them, I know you care about me. The question comes down to how much.
inertia. And since I have never been accused of cowardice, quite the contrary, I think I am revered for my insane bravery – by both genders
incidentally, here goes.
You could argue that sending an email is being hypocritical. Passive aggressive. And yes you would be correct. But this is in the top five scariest things I have ever done. So remember to be kind.
Let me start with an observation. Never deliver bad news, or what might be considered bad news - with a text message. What constitutes “bad news” you might ask? I’m not talking about sending a text message about your mother. I get that. But here is an example of bad news.
If you have sex with someone and don’t call them, and they make, what they think is a bold move, by asking what you are up to (and for the record you are aware that is a bold move for me, for I have shared that with you ) bad news is “I have a wedding commitment, you can catch me between the hours of” (and I grew weary trying to figure out what times were available. It seemed like about 30 seconds).
But we are not done. Because you then give, what I call, your trademark “twisting the knife” comment. “Thanks for thinking of me.”
How can you possible take that as a negative – you are saying? And I have resigned myself to the fact that in a million years I would never be able to convince you how patronizing that comment is. It’s impersonal. It dismisses me. Someone offers you Sixers tickets and if you can’t go – you say – "thanks for thinking of me". You don’t say it to a woman who, perhaps foolishly, has spent way too much time thinking about you. I don’t need thanks. I probably need therapy.
I wish you would have just picked up the phone when you had a moment. Or texted me and said, this weekend won’t work, but I will call you as soon as I get a chance. And then did just that.
But let’s face it. Text messaging is an amazing tool for the passive aggressive. If you feel compelled to take a shortcut.
But I don’t take shortcuts. Not professionally, and never with people I care about. The all too easy “convenience” of a shortcut is not lost on me.
And on the subject of convenience, I am reminded of the last scene in Sex in the City, with Baryshnikov. Ironically, you mentioned it recently. Carrie’s pain at another failed relationship was palpable. And I will never forget what she said, about wanting to be loved, an all-consuming, inconvenient love. The word “inconvenient” stood out and struck me as odd. I had never heard it put that way, but I will never forget it. The writers knew. They got it. Sometimes when you like someone you are inconvenienced. And what I have come to realize is, it is entirely possible you don’t like me enough to be inconvenienced.
Because that is what this is all about, after all. Being inconvenienced to figure out when or if you can work me into your schedule. Being inconvenienced to explain what you are up to, ahead of time. So that I can plan. So that my time is respected. And please don’t insult my intelligence with – why can’t we just date and have a good time when it works out. Because that ends up being, when it is convenient, for you. I’m not asking for a marriage proposal here. I am asking for respect. I am not asking for anything I haven't given you.
You have said a lot of things to me, and if I am to believe, at least half of them, I know you care about me. The question comes down to how much.
The "Break Up" Shoes
There is one glorious benefit to having your heart smashed in a million pieces. It's the "break up" shoes.
Break up shoes are the footwear you buy to console yourself after yet another love fiasco. They should be shoes you were thinking of buying but you just couldn't rationalize their existence in your closet. Break up shoes have to be extraordinarily expensive, so you are looking at names like Chanel, Prada, Jimmy Choos, the ever popular and heart-consoling Manolo Blahniks or my personal favorite - Christian Louboutin. When you put them on, you really don't give a rat's ass about the asshole that made you buy them.
To that end, I should be ever greatful to my good friend, Joe - the giant asshole who actually afforded me the luxury of two sets of break up shoes.
The first tour of duty (his words not mine) as we were heading into fall, I snagged the patent leather Prada boots.
Second tour of duty (purchased today - the sting of the break up mitigating as I write) are the phenomenal hot pink satin, peekaboo toe, Christian Louboutin pumps.
They are absolutely awesome and quite frankly I feel bulletproof in them.
Thanks for thinking of me, Joe.
Break up shoes are the footwear you buy to console yourself after yet another love fiasco. They should be shoes you were thinking of buying but you just couldn't rationalize their existence in your closet. Break up shoes have to be extraordinarily expensive, so you are looking at names like Chanel, Prada, Jimmy Choos, the ever popular and heart-consoling Manolo Blahniks or my personal favorite - Christian Louboutin. When you put them on, you really don't give a rat's ass about the asshole that made you buy them.
To that end, I should be ever greatful to my good friend, Joe - the giant asshole who actually afforded me the luxury of two sets of break up shoes.
The first tour of duty (his words not mine) as we were heading into fall, I snagged the patent leather Prada boots.
Second tour of duty (purchased today - the sting of the break up mitigating as I write) are the phenomenal hot pink satin, peekaboo toe, Christian Louboutin pumps.
They are absolutely awesome and quite frankly I feel bulletproof in them.
Thanks for thinking of me, Joe.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
My heart in a couple of pieces.
On one hand I guess I saw it coming. On the other hand, I am an eternal, optimistic, romantic so I tossed aside the nagging doubts and possible risks associated with loving too much, too blindly and as usual, went full steam ahead. I happen to be very brave. Not particularly intelligent, when it comes to men, but very brave.
So I am in the worst possible place you could ever be. Still in love and hurt. You probably know the drill. You can't eat. You can sleep but you wake up with that lonely, aching, vulnerable pain in your stomach.
Your friends know exactly what to say. Thank God for them. They are your best cheerleaders and I have to agree with them when they tell me I am "all that". I also know it is him, not me, yada, yada. And I know this too, shall pass. My best friend even gave me a ray of hope, in that, once she absolutely and thoroughly hates someone I date, I end up marrying them.
There are no words, however, at the moment, that can take the sting out of the feeling of failure. And no insights so far. as to how it could have played out differently.
Or why a perfectly nice girl like me seems easy prey for someone not perfectly nice.
So I am in the worst possible place you could ever be. Still in love and hurt. You probably know the drill. You can't eat. You can sleep but you wake up with that lonely, aching, vulnerable pain in your stomach.
Your friends know exactly what to say. Thank God for them. They are your best cheerleaders and I have to agree with them when they tell me I am "all that". I also know it is him, not me, yada, yada. And I know this too, shall pass. My best friend even gave me a ray of hope, in that, once she absolutely and thoroughly hates someone I date, I end up marrying them.
There are no words, however, at the moment, that can take the sting out of the feeling of failure. And no insights so far. as to how it could have played out differently.
Or why a perfectly nice girl like me seems easy prey for someone not perfectly nice.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Five Minutes of Wonderful
Do you remember in "Steel Magnolias" when Julia Roberts got pregnant, fully knowing it would jeopardize her life because she had diabetes? Her rationale has stayed with me for years - better to have five minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
So I ask myself if I am brave enough for five minutes of wonderful. Because as it turns out, opting for five minutes of wonderful and turning my back to a lifetime of nothing special really forces you to put your priorities on the line.
And my five minutes of wonderful is scaring the hell out of me.
But it is wonderful.....
So I ask myself if I am brave enough for five minutes of wonderful. Because as it turns out, opting for five minutes of wonderful and turning my back to a lifetime of nothing special really forces you to put your priorities on the line.
And my five minutes of wonderful is scaring the hell out of me.
But it is wonderful.....
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Closure
You hear people talk about closure. Since I am a borderline control freak, I go around closing everything - closets, drawers, handbags. But how do you close a relationship?
One thing you can be sure of, is that it takes two people who have a vested interest in wanting to close things. Two people who are honest and kind and willing to let the other half of the relationship have some peace of mind. It's basically the quintessential humanitarian gesture. Anyone who harbors any real resentment, jealousy or superiority probably won't be able to do it. Because frankly, even those who think they are above it all, tend to like to punish someone who has hurt them. What better way, than to withold the closing of things, depriving them of feeling less guilty?
But let's face it. Holding out on closure is a phyrric victory. And it takes so much energy to be angry at someone, that I think it is therapeutically wise to go for the closure thing. Which is why I did it.
Now there were many pragmatists who feel it was an empty gesture. Things that happen in the past aren't worth being rehashed. If you meet one of those people, run like the wind, because they are probably in desparate need of closure. Besides being giant asses.
But my story is not about a giant ass, although it could be, because I know at least one. Rather it is about a bonafide, honest to goodness, textbook story of closure.
Fourteen years ago I fell madly in love with someone. Someone who had been a trusted friend. If at first it seemed like the world stood still, it quickly started to rock violently once all the injured parties entered the room. I could give you the details, but quite honestly, I don't have the energy to dig it all up again. Suffice to say we both had never wanted anything so much and for so long and it wasn't meant to be. So it ended.
Sometimes the emotions are so raw you really can't bear a face-to-face. I think that is what happened with us. That and the threats of significant others. I would say wife, but to this day I do not think of him as married. Rather detained.
When you don't have closure, and you need it, you are always waiting for it. Maybe the anniversary of the day you declared your love. Maybe your birthday, maybe Christmas - heck that is a time for forgiveness. But the holidays came and went for me, often bittersweet.
There is a scene in "The Age of Innocence", at the end, where Daniel Day Lewis - once madly in love with the Michelle Pfeiffer character, opts not to go see her, after his wife's death. His reasoning was very Victorian and odd to me. It was because he was "old-fashioned". Something in the back of mind rebelled from that logic. I knew I would never be old-fashioned, once I got the nerve.
Now what alligned the stars, what gave me the courage, I have no idea, but one day before, yet another birthday - 14 had gone by, I sent the text message that gave me the closure I needed. It's wonderful now that business men have Blackberrys. You can reach them anytime, anywhere. And so I sent a simple message that said double dare you. It started out as "dare you", but a dear friend quickly made me realize that we had to "up" the ante. So "double dare" it was and he quickly responded.
The details don't really matter - oddly. What matters is that we met and he got the opportunity to apologize and I got the opportunity to accept his apology. It was not happy, it was not joyous. It was sad and painful and never was I more aware of how much he cared for me and how much I missed him. Earlier in the week a non-believer of closure had mentioned that we could never be friends because of his ties. Not entirely accurate. We can never be friends because that would never be enough.
A week later I am still processing it. His last words to me, were that he was even more confused. I know it doesn't sound like closure. But it is.
One thing you can be sure of, is that it takes two people who have a vested interest in wanting to close things. Two people who are honest and kind and willing to let the other half of the relationship have some peace of mind. It's basically the quintessential humanitarian gesture. Anyone who harbors any real resentment, jealousy or superiority probably won't be able to do it. Because frankly, even those who think they are above it all, tend to like to punish someone who has hurt them. What better way, than to withold the closing of things, depriving them of feeling less guilty?
But let's face it. Holding out on closure is a phyrric victory. And it takes so much energy to be angry at someone, that I think it is therapeutically wise to go for the closure thing. Which is why I did it.
Now there were many pragmatists who feel it was an empty gesture. Things that happen in the past aren't worth being rehashed. If you meet one of those people, run like the wind, because they are probably in desparate need of closure. Besides being giant asses.
But my story is not about a giant ass, although it could be, because I know at least one. Rather it is about a bonafide, honest to goodness, textbook story of closure.
Fourteen years ago I fell madly in love with someone. Someone who had been a trusted friend. If at first it seemed like the world stood still, it quickly started to rock violently once all the injured parties entered the room. I could give you the details, but quite honestly, I don't have the energy to dig it all up again. Suffice to say we both had never wanted anything so much and for so long and it wasn't meant to be. So it ended.
Sometimes the emotions are so raw you really can't bear a face-to-face. I think that is what happened with us. That and the threats of significant others. I would say wife, but to this day I do not think of him as married. Rather detained.
When you don't have closure, and you need it, you are always waiting for it. Maybe the anniversary of the day you declared your love. Maybe your birthday, maybe Christmas - heck that is a time for forgiveness. But the holidays came and went for me, often bittersweet.
There is a scene in "The Age of Innocence", at the end, where Daniel Day Lewis - once madly in love with the Michelle Pfeiffer character, opts not to go see her, after his wife's death. His reasoning was very Victorian and odd to me. It was because he was "old-fashioned". Something in the back of mind rebelled from that logic. I knew I would never be old-fashioned, once I got the nerve.
Now what alligned the stars, what gave me the courage, I have no idea, but one day before, yet another birthday - 14 had gone by, I sent the text message that gave me the closure I needed. It's wonderful now that business men have Blackberrys. You can reach them anytime, anywhere. And so I sent a simple message that said double dare you. It started out as "dare you", but a dear friend quickly made me realize that we had to "up" the ante. So "double dare" it was and he quickly responded.
The details don't really matter - oddly. What matters is that we met and he got the opportunity to apologize and I got the opportunity to accept his apology. It was not happy, it was not joyous. It was sad and painful and never was I more aware of how much he cared for me and how much I missed him. Earlier in the week a non-believer of closure had mentioned that we could never be friends because of his ties. Not entirely accurate. We can never be friends because that would never be enough.
A week later I am still processing it. His last words to me, were that he was even more confused. I know it doesn't sound like closure. But it is.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
It's my birthday! Here's what I really want.
Better Days
And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Goo Goo Dolls
And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Goo Goo Dolls
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